It seems I was born with a people pleasing personality and a natural desire to help others. Because it came so naturally to me I never considered why I helped others. As I got into my late teens and early twenties and was forming and processing my identity I realized I had become somewhat like Jim Carey’s character in the movie “The Yes Man.” I was not quite as overboard in other areas of my life as he was, but when it came to people asking for my help or opportunities of service I couldn’t say no. People often took advantage of me and I found myself spread so thin that I didn’t have much time for things that were very important to me. I became secretly angry at others for taking advantage of me and even more at myself for my addiction to the “Y” word. I delved deep into discovering why I am the way I am and why I do the things I do.
In searching I found that some aspects of our personalities are changeable and some of them are embedded by divine design. I envisioned myself as being a thread woven into the fabric of creation, this meant that I was connected to and a part of the whole picture. I am connected to others and I depend on them just as the threads of a tapestry depend on each other, to take one out means that the entire tapestry unravels. This is in Gods design, that we are social and community dependent creations.
Being a “yes person” and a people pleaser and always reaching out to help others could mean that I get taken advantage of or get stressed and exhausted from being spread too thin, but if done in a spirit of prayer and discernment it means that I understand my basic human need to be in community with others. It means I understand that for me to be well and content those around me must be also because whether I want to be or not (and I do) I am connected and interwoven to the whole human family who are called by divine design and the commission of Christ who has saved us to love one another as ourselves.
My favorite “Y” word quote:
“If you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else.”
If you say yes to a weekly meeting for an organization or an opportunity , you’re saying no to your family, God, yourself, your friends, or whatever else you could be devoting your time to. We have to discern priorities for our time and when to say “yes” accordingly.
Caroline Stanfill
OJP Regional Coordinator, Western Vicariate
When family or friends called, they knew I would say yes. And I spent years going and doing and toting and hauling and driving and... Lord knows what else, before I realized that when I called upon others... well, the 'phone just kept ringing.
ReplyDeleteI had to ask myself, was what I was doing itself enough of a good, or did I require some sort of reciprocity in order not to be bitter? Though it was hard, and for quite awhile it made me a hell of a cynic, I chose just to do and not to ask.
But charity isn't a one way street and love requires a certain vulnerability. I could not simply give to others and quietly grow cynical. I needed - need - to reach out, to be an opportunity for others to discover charity within themselves. If I really wanted to participate in life with others and not simply serve dumbly, as a tool and not an instrument, then I had to open my heart to the possibility that they would turn me down, that my out stretched hand would go unclasped, that the 'phone would just keep ringing.
It is easier to say "Yes" than it is to run the risk of being told "No" and for a long while I fell into that trap. It was coming to the Faith that helped me clarify my desire to serve, to put it in the proper context and give it a value and definition beyond quid pro quo, enlightened self-interest, or unformed volunteerism. I had to learn to include God as both reason and result. And I thank Him for that.
Anywise, those are my thoughts. Thank you for a good post.